I spend a lot of time thinking. And, most of my inner thoughts, eventually become paintings.
Lately, I've been hiding in my studio trying (and mostly failing) to get away from social media. It can be disruptive to my natural flow...
So, I thought this might be a way to connect. I hope it is!
I've always wanted to find a way to make my work feel blurred. Unfocused. As if someone is just beginning to come into view. So, I've been working on that. Starting with small, cradled panel to experiment.
At first, I thought it was a visual idea. But I don't think that's it anymore.
I think it's because so much of what I do is an attempt to bring women into focus. Not just the women in my paintings. But all of us. And, not in the way society portrays us.
We're fed false information that slowly breaks trust between us... and builds trust in fake standards. I think the moment we choose to see one another for real is when the 'shade" lifts.
When we notice the way she, stands. The way she, speaks. The way she shifts her body. Almost without thinking, she too -tries to lessen the chance that someone notices her dimpled thighs, her belly, her discomfort. The parts of herself she's been taught to hide. We've all been taught to do this...
Noticing her, likeness to us- changes everything.
I've watched women (and men) do this for years... I've done it too.
I had a lightbulb moment while painting these faded figures. While attempting to keep them 'hidden' while also putting the focus on them. I thought "That's why I keep painting groups of women?!"
Gathered together. Mid-conversation. Walking beside one another. Whatever the scene...
They're Simply Existing in the same space. And I'm witnessing from a distance...
Because from afar, we begin to see something we miss. We begin to see how close we really are.
How many of us are carrying the same thoughts, the same fears, the same negotiations with ourselves, about our bodies (and where we fit).
Sometimes I worry that I paint these gatherings too often. That they'll become expected, and somehow boring and diluted. That people will wish I'd paint something else... But they keep happening anyway.
To me, these paintings are different- and they matter.
They're congregation, and connection. Communication between women who may never actually meet.
I think, if this work has work has a purpose, it's....
To help us step back enough to see ourselves from another angle.
To recognize ourselves in another woman.
To remember that we've never been as weird, or ugly or misunderstood as we believed.
Feel free to leave a comment - This is your space too.
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